Hi all, here are the 2 choices for monologues:


BRUCE: Okay, look, alright, I stole the cake. And honestly I was really, definitely, sort of almost thinking about owning up… maybe? But the thing was I was having a lot of trouble with my belly. You see, the Trunchbull’s cake was so good that I’d scoffed it down too quick and now it was beginning to fight back.

His belly rumbles.

Ooops. See?

Rumble. Bruce lets out a truly enormous burp, but really, really enormous, it goes on for ever. It hovers above him.

It was the biggest burp I had ever done. It was the biggest burp I had ever heard, the biggest burp I had ever heard about. It was like the entire world went silent for that burp to exist, as a huge cloud of chocolaty gas wafted from my mouth and drifted… across the class…

It drifts across the class.

Past Lavender… Past Alice… Past Matilda…

Drifts past Matilda

…and then, my great big beautiful chocolaty burp, which now seemed to have a mind of its own, wafted full into the face of the Trunchbull.


MATILDA: And so they prepared themselves for the most dangerous feat that had ever been performed. The great escapologist had to escape from the cage, lean out, catch his wife with one hand, grab a fire extinguisher with the other, and put out the flames on her specially designed dress within twelve seconds, before they reached the dynamite and blew his wife’s head off!

The trick started well. The moment the specially designed dress was set alight the acrobat swung into the air. The crowd held their breath as she hurled over the sharks and spiky objects – one second, two seconds – they watched as the flames crept up the dress – three seconds, four seconds – she began to reach out her arms towards the cage – five seconds, six seconds – suddenly the padlocks pinged open and the huge chains fell away – seven seconds, eight seconds – the door flung open and the escapologist reached out one huge, muscled arm to catch his wife and the child – nine seconds, ten seconds… eleven seconds—and he grabs her hand and, and, and suddenly the flames are covered in foam before they can both be blown to pieces.

Maybe it was the thought of their child. Maybe it was nerves. But the escapologist used just a touch too much foam and suddenly their hands became slippy… and she fell.

She broke every bone in her body except the ones at the ends of her little fingers. She did manage to live long enough to have their child. But the effort was too great. ‘Love our little girl’ She said ’Love our daughter with all your heart. She is all we ever wanted.’ And then she died.

And then… things got worse.